Have you ever just wanted a handbook on how to be a friend? Maybe you’re like me (but probably not), friendship seems hard and difficult, messy and constantly a source of feeling like an absolute failure. Or maybe you are like me and feel that you get little encouragement from people you think are your friends. I feel both of those relational realities, and if you’re like me, then Sam Crabtree is your man. Not only is he your man, he’s your pastor.
In Practicing Affirmation, Sam Crabtree walks us through the grand reality that affirmation “is the purpose of the universe – specifically, affirmation of God” (11). The great thing about Crabtree’s work is that he orbits in a God-centered universe, and wholeheartedly avoids the psychologized relational techniques, love cups, love languages, and self-esteem paradigms of our culture. Affirmation is primarily about God, and when affirming other people, Crabtree helps us see that we are affirming the “echoes, shadows, and reality of a righteousness not intrinsic to the person being affirmed” (19). Affirmation delights in God and delights in seeing Christlike characteristics in other people. It celebrates the grace of God in those patterns and behaviors in other people.
So what is affirmation for Crabtree? “Affirmation of a recognized quality in a human hints at a real quality in God who stands behind it” (30). And why should we want to practice affirmation? First, affirmation directly relates to our posture towards God. If we rightly love and delight in God, we will seek to affirm God and wherever we see him reflected. Secondly, as it relates to people, affirmation “is like an invigorating sudsy shower after a long day of manual labor. It’s like a cool rain after a long, hot dry spell. It delivers a combination of relief, respite, hope, optimism, satisfaction, and energy. It’s life-giving. It blesses.” (41)
The great thing about this book is that it’s immediately practical. Crabtree doesn’t wait until the end to unpack his affirmation advice. No, from the first page this book seeks to give you handles on how to see affirmation as central to love, and how affirmation works itself out in our lives.
One of the great benefits of this book is that Crabtree, apart from being an endeering author, is a careful pastor. He anticipates our hang-ups and questions. He devotes a whole chapter to Q&A, and several excurses and appendixes on clarifying points. For example, maybe you’ve wondered what the difference is between encouragement and affirmation? He notes: “Encouragement looks forward and affirmation looks backward” (100). Encouragement looks towards where people can go by God’s grace; affirmation celebrates what God has already been doing in people by his grace.
Or maybe you’re thinking that all this affirmation talks sounds a bit like Christian-manipulation. Crabtree is our pastor here and helps us see the difference:
While affirmation is a free gift with no strings attached and trusts God to bring about whatever good harvest he wishes to bring from the seed planted, flattery is a bribe, and a direct return is expected – soon.
Godly affirmation approves of Christlikeness and disapproves of anything contrary, whereas the flatterer approves anything – Christlike or not – that may achieve the desired response. (108)
Concluding thoughts
This little book has been immensely helpful for me. Crabtree not only gives us a God-centered appreciation for the value of affirmation, but an application method that is God-empowered. You cannot walk away from this book thinking you’ll make much of Jesus and the reflections of him in other people in your own strength. The Spirit is necessary for the living of this material. If you want to oil the wheels of your relationships with love and grace, if you want to have better eyes to see the activity of God in others and communicate it in compelling and loving ways, if you want to learn how to simply be a better friend, Practicing Affirmation was written for people like me and you.
If you’re interested in a few more quotes from this book, check out these two posts:
Agreeing with Atheists about god
Affirmation is the purpose of the universe
Title: Practicing Affirmation
Author: Sam Crabtree
Boards: paperback
Pages: 170
Volumes: 1
Dust jackets: n/a
Binding: sewn and glue
Topical index: yes
Scriptural index: Yes (Scripture index notations are off by 4 pages in my edition. Publisher has been alerted and subsequent printings will be corrected.)
Publisher: Crossway
Year: 2011
Price USD: $14.99 / $9.97 at WTSBooks
ISBN: 978-1-4335-2243-7
The Strasbourg Inn 