Affirmation is the purpose of the universe

This month, Crossway Books is putting out Practicing Affirmation by Sam Crabtree. The moment I saw it, I immediately grabbed it up. I’m going to post my review of the book soon, but below are the passages that I found profoundly helpful from just the first two chapters of Practicing Affirmation. Encouraging others is an area I need major help in, and Crabtree has done a brilliant job in provoking my own thinking on this issue, and I hope he does for you as well.

Affirmation is the purpose of the universe – specifically, affirmation of God. (11)

God-centered affirmations points towards the echoes, shadows, and reality of a righteousness not intrinsic to the person being affirmed. (19)

God is a desire transformer. When he transforms our hearts, we don’t affirm others out of sheer obligation, but rather because we want to. We want them to enjoy refreshment from being affirmed that we enjoy when we are affirmed. God is the prime mover of all good affirming. (23)

Affirmation of a recognized quality in a human hints at real quality in God who stands behind it. (30)

Jesus is on a mission to receive praise (Matt. 19:28; Luke 4:15; John 8:54; 11:4; 12:23; 13-21-32; 17:1,5; Acts 3:13), even if he has to get it from rocks (Luke 19:40). And the Father is passionate for his son to receive praise – so passionate is the Father about such praise for his Son that his Son’s praiseworthiness reverberates from those who resemble him in character. Paul translates that chain reaction into a command: “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1). No glory is stolen from Christ when people imitate Paul this way. In fact, Christ’s glory is magnified and multiplied. (31)

…In the same way that Yellowstone Park is a reflection of common grace, unregenerate persons reflect graces not intrinsic to themselves. To affirm the beautify of their character is to draw attention to the undeserved grace taht God has bestowed upon them in the form of faint echoes of Jesus, even in the presence of as-of-yet unperfected flaws in those same individuals. In the providence of God, some unbelievers are actually better behaved than some believers. This behavior is God’s gift to them, not their intrinsically meritorious character. (32)

Ahh. Affirmation is like an invigorating sudsy shower after a long day of manual labor. It’s like a cool rain after a long, hot dry spell. It delivers a combination of relief, respite, hope, optimism, satisfaction, and energy. It’s life-giving. It blesses. (41)

It seems easier to practice affirmation early in relationships, and it can get harder later. Have you ever noticed in a restaurant that some couples are talkative and some are not? What happened? Generally, new relationships are still predominately affirming, but as relationships endure the years, they also endure a lot of correction. More specifically, affirmation didn’t keep up. Not enough affirmation was dished out compared with all the other messages in the relationship. A fire not stoked goes out. A refrigerator unplugged rots the eggs, which were perfectly good not too long ago. A garden not tended erupts with weeds, not vegetables. Affirmation is the fire-stoking, refrigerator-electrifying, garden-tending side of relationships. (44)

Picture human relationships as ships on water. The natural winds blow them towards the left of the continuum. Wise people give intentional proactive energy to putting relationships towards the right. (45)

Think this way: give so many affirmations as a pattern, a way of life, that you gain a reputation for it. You are known for your affirmations, not your criticisms, your corrections. (46)

A guy might be thinking, “This doesn’t come easy for me. I’m not good at it. It’s not natural for me.” But men who desire mercy from God get busy refreshing their wives. You can decide to affirm. God will help you. (47)

The drag that corrections have on a relationship is compounded by the fact that they already outweigh affirmations – they have greater impact individually. The sting of a rebuke outweighs the fresh whiff of a bouquet. A person sniffing the flowers when a bee stings quickly forgets the flowers even if the bouquet is very large. If a pattern of corrections is outweighing the affirmations, the sting stays with us, the corrections keep picking the scab. (47)

One signal that a person has tuned you out is when lightheartedness has gone out of the relationship…While loving relationships are not all about tomfoolery, people who can’t laugh together are probably very thirsty for more affirmation in the warp and woof of life together. (50-51)

Affirmations are deposits. Corrections are the checks you write against the balance in the account. (52)

Persons who are drained by depression may find a key here. One of the things a depressed person needs is mercy, and when the depressed person by faith opens his mouth and affirms others, mercy from the Lord is on the way. (54)

[P]eople are influence by those who praise them. (54)

Is it okay to bring God into our compliments? If you don’t think so, then you’re going to have a hard time with this book. Bringing God into compliments is the best way to give them. I do not mean bringing him in as an afterthought, but basing your compliments and affirmations on his character. (58)

Don’t you like to be appreciated for what you do? Then practice the Golden Rule, and appreciate others for what they do. Affirmation is what love does, doing unto others as would be desired if the shoe were on the other foot. Even God seeks affirmation, and gives it. His commending of others is in accord with the fact that God keeps his own rules, including the Golden Rule. (61)

There you have it. Now, if you just can’t wait to get the book, you can purchase it at Westminster Books for $9.52, or from Amazon for $9.67. See how nice a guy I am? Linking it for you and everything. If you’ve learned anything from this post, you should at least know that you must affirm my helpfulness. Now. Affirmation in the form of Double Stuffed Oreos is acceptable.